Currently Reading The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out By Brennan Manning see related

those who are crazy enough to think...

Hey everybody :)

So I've decided I'm not going to apologize for my recent inactivity here. But I am finally going to update.

I read something today and it struck me. "Those who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, usually do." (Robert Anton Wilson).

Today I realized that I have forgotten what it was like to think crazy like that. A few years ago, if you had asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I would have told you that I wanted to change the world, and that, with God's help and His power living in me, I was going to. I talked to hundreds of people, through a God-given speech, about a girl named Rachel Joy Scott whose life and death shook the hearts of millions. If you had asked me who I wanted to be like, I would have told you I wanted to emulate her in every way possible, and that with God's help, I would. Much like Joseph, I was given a dream. 

Life gets crazy though. Since then, my world has been filled with so much noise, my heart has been pulled in so many directions, the dream, in a way, has been cluttered out. I've been faithful. Even when that's meant walking alone. Then, a couple of days ago I woke up, and in complete transparency before God, admitted I had forgotten why I was doing it all. The last few days have been a perpetual conversation between God and myself. He is reminding me why.

God wants to ravish the world. He wants to change it. And He wants to use us to do it. That He would trust us in being the human face of His love to a broken world still baffles me. And yet I'm finding more and more, that He is simply a baffling God.

So, if you were to ask me now, what I wanted to do with my life, I would tell you this. 

I want to change the world. And, with His help and His strength and love living in me, I will.

And you will too.

Love you guys.

I made her...she is different. She is unique.
With love I formed her in her mother's womb.
I fashioned her with great joy. I remember, with great pleasure the day I created her.
(Psalm 139:13-16)

I love her smile I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh. And the silly things she does and says. She brings me great pleasure. This is how I made her.
(Psalm 139:17)

I made her pretty and not beautiful, because I knew her heart. and knew she would be vain...
I wanted her to search out her heart and learn that it would be me in her that would make her beautiful...and it would be me in her that would draw friends to her.
(1 Peter 3:3-5)

I made her in such a way that she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be...Only because I need her to learn to depend on me. I know her heart. I know if I had not made her like this she would go her own chosen way and forget me...her Creator.
(Psalm 62:5-8)

I have given her so many good and happy things...
Because I love her.
(Psalm 84:11, Romans 8:23)

Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart...and the tears she cried alone. I have cried with her and had a broken heart too.
(Psalm 56:8)

Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone but only because she would not hold my hand. So many lessons she has learned the hard way because she would not listen to my voice...
(Isaiah 53:6)

So many times have set back and watched her go her own merry way alone. Only to watch her return to my arms, sad and broken.
(Isaiah 62:2)

And now she is mine again...I made her, then I bought her...because I love her.
(Romans 5:8)

I have to reshape and remold her...To renew her to what I had planned for her to be. It has not been easy for her or me.
(Jeremiah 29:11)

I want her to be conformed to my image...This high goal have I set for her. Because I love her.
(II Cor. 2:14)

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I love this!! A lot of things weren't making sense until someone shared this with me a couple of days ago. The timing of it was absolutely incredible! It's so good, in a time where I have felt empty, to be reminded of His beautiful love, that I am His for eternity, and that nothing compares to Him! Our God is so faithful..

at peace

I've been asking a lot of questions recently. And instead of receiving the clearcut answers I was looking for, I just felt more and more confused. I think maybe that's because I didn't want to hear or see the answer, or maybe I just wasn't ready for it. Yesterday during worship God released something in me I hadn't felt in a long time. Complete abandon. Absolute brokenness. Nothing mattered but Him and His heart. And He gave it to me. I'm no longer confused.

It's nice to be at peace with Him.

"If you do these things, your salvation will come like the dawn. Yes, your healing will come quickly. Your godliness will lead you forward and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind. Then when you call, the Lord will answer. 'Yes I am here,' he will quickly reply."  - Isaiah 58:8-9   (I read that this morning and thought it was beautiful..)

God spoke to me last week. And it helped me understand. He told me to let go. Someone told me recently that God never takes something from our lives unless it is to give us something better. I think I've been holding on tightly, and I couldn't see the something better. But I've let go. All that I have is on the altar. I know that His best, a realization of His perfect will, is coming. Right now, my hands just feel really empty. And I'm guessing that feeling of emptiness, the lack of understanding is what creates the opportunity for trust, and learning to cling to Him and nothing else.

Because trust is about something a lot bigger than me. It's about the character of God, His heart, His promises, and placing my hope in Him.

He is a good God. And I love Him so much.

Yes.

My mousepad-thing on my laptop isn't working, and it's frustrating, because it's pretty much impossible to do anything without it.

I am hopelessly and gloriously confused about some things. In spite of all the confusion, I am realizing that Jesus is the answer to everything. My life isn't mine to worry over. And if I can't change it, why should I stress about it...

I love mint chocolate chip ice cream. and beautiful weather.

And I love people. and their hearts. I love what God's doing.

In fact, I'm just crazily in love with Him.